


Love Sick

by zugzwangxo



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zugzwangxo/pseuds/zugzwangxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer Reid; the best and worst thing to ever happen to you. You want to break the endless cycle of misery but there's just one problem. You love it just as much as you love him.</p><p>A one shot and reader insert inspired by the song <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iIsOvdlgNA">Why Try</a> by Ariana Grande.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Sick

You were exhausted. Angrily, you threw each item of clothing you removed from you body into a messy pile before climbing into the steaming hot bath. The room was dimly lit by an array of your favourite candles, the scents engulfed you and for one, incredible moment, all the stress, every slither of rage felt as if it was seeping from your pores. As if somehow, the water was quite literally massaging you, liquid hands pulling each piece of emotion from your heavy, tired body. 

This was the seventh argument this week that you’d had with your boyfriend, Spencer. The seventh time you’d exchanged poisonous words until one or both of you were reduced to tears. The seventh time you’d sent him to sleep on the couch, leaving you to cry alone all through the night.

Things had been weird for a few months now, you were almost two years into the relationship and it seemed the honeymoon phase was well and truly over. Although, you were sure it wasn’t like this for any of your friends. And if this was normal, how the hell did any relationship last? No, this wasn’t right. Something was very wrong and the most heartbreaking part was you had no idea what that was.Tears rolled down your cheeks and hit the bath water with the tiniest of splashes, you were confused, angry and your chest heaved with heavy sadness as you slid down beneath the water's surface. 

The problem was that you loved this. You loved him to the point of madness, he was everything you’d ever wished for and then some. He treated you like a queen and he was a perfect, attentive lover who satisfied you in every way. But somehow, you weren’t content with living on cloud nine so you often baited him, purposely starting arguments for nothing but the rush, because he looked so damn sexy when he yelled. And the worst part? You were pretty sure that he got off on it too. You loved the pain almost as much as you loved Spencer. The both of you were truly redefining being “love sick”.

But realistically, how long could you both go on like this? The horrible tensions and constant confusion was becoming too much to bare, you were tired of the headaches and the nausea, the walking on eggshells because you never knew what kind of mood you were both in. You resurfaced, smoothing away the excess water dripping from your face and refocused on the flickering flames in front of you. It was time to end this, once and for all. You carefully exited the bath, grabbing your bathrobe you quickly pulled it on before emptying the bath and extinguishing the candles.

~

Your hand shook as it grasped the cool metal of the door handle, delicately twisting to open the door. As you stepped into the room, you were immediately met by the smell of his cologne and you paused, breathing in the smell of him. You stepped toward the couch and took a breath.

“Spencer, can we talk? Please?” You all but whispered, taking another step towards where he lay, slumped back with an open book on his lap.

“I thought you didn't want to ‘see my face again’” Spencer remained still, his eyes stayed closed as he mimicked your last words to him.

“I don't. I do, I… Look we just, we can't go on like this and I don't know what to do.” You struggled to gain control of your emotions at first but managed to find your ground, particularly annoyed by the fact he still hadn't looked at you. “I don't know how to fix this.” You continued, moving so you were standing in front of him.

“What do you want me to say, Y/N? You think I don't know any of that? Every day we spend fighting kills me inside.” He stated, finally opening his eyes and sitting forward to look at you. “I don't know how to make you not hate me anymore.” Spencer’s voice cracked and you fought to hold back the tears, he looked as worn out and sick as you did.

“I don't hate you, that's the problem. I love you, Spencer. You drive me insane but I love you it’s just... this isn't working and I don't know why…” Spencer's brows raised as you spoke. “I can't even think how it started or if either of us are to blame.”

“Well it's bound to be me, right? I mean, that's the usual MO.” He shouted, starting to get angry at the thought of it.

“Are you serious right now? This is what you always do, play the victim and make me out to be the crazy chick losing control.” Your voice raised to match his, you couldn't believe he had the nerve to act like this. “I'm here trying to sort things out and you throw a tantrum.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, can you hear yourself?” He yelled, jumping to his feet and closing the gap between you. 

“Yeah, I can but I feel like I’m the only one actually listening to what I’m saying.” You shouted, stepping up to him to show you weren’t intimidated by him.

“It’s no wonder I get defensive when all you’re doing is accusing me.” He exclaimed, raising his voice even more.

“Fuck sake, Spencer can you just stop making it all about you? This is all we do, go round and round in fucking circles just screaming and screaming at each other to see who can scream louder.” You felt the tears break free as your voice cracked, the harsh truth of the situation sent your emotions spiralling out of control. “I can’t take this anymore, if this is what forever is going to be like then I want out.”

“Well, then.” Spencer leaned forward, his face inches from hers as he pointed. “You know where the door is.”

The genuine rage in his eyes scared you a little, having never seen him go so far before it made you tremble slightly. However, at the same time, this was a new and unexpected show of strength and control. Deep down something stirred within you as you looked into the fire and part of you wanted to feel it burn you.

Grabbing hold of his face, you kissed him, harder than you even meant to, harder than you ever had before till he pulled you away, still looking at you with the fury of the argument. There was a long pause that seemed to go on forever as every possible reason not to keep you there crossed his mind but in the end it was too much not to give in to.

He lunged forward, taking hold of both of your arms and pressing his lips to yours as you kissed in the deepest passion you’d ever felt. Somehow, he felt even stronger than you’d experienced as he pushed you back till your spine collided with the wall by the door. The show of force left you weak at the knees. His hands seemed to search you and all you could do was let them in utter submission till the rage that you’d forgotten simmered back to the surface causing you to push him off of you.

The fury of the argument was evident in both sets of eyes but beneath it was a sudden burning passion as you forced him back till his legs met the sofa and he stumbled backwards onto it. Ideas flooded your mind of everything you wanted to do to him in this moment as you climbed onto him, straddling his lap and pressing him back so that your lips could find his neck.

Without the ability to control it, you began to writhe on him, grinding your hips atop his waist and tugging at his clothes. Spencer’s hands slipped beneath your bathrobe, letting his nails drag down your skin to the edges of your underwear then slide beneath to grip your behind with both hands. Rolling upward, he pressed himself into you, letting you feel his excitement through his trousers.

Ignoring the rest of his clothes, your hands moved down to his trousers, tugging at the belt in an attempt to free him as quickly as you could. It seemed to happen so fast, it was as if one moment you were both still arguing and now you could feel him, pressed against the thin material of your underwear, threatening to tear through and take you.

The heat had become unbearable, forcing you to open your bathrobe and expose your bare skin to him. His hands reached further down, pulling the last piece of material to the side and allowing him to slip deep inside you without hesitation.

You look deep into his eyes, the anger still evident but simmering behind the deepening passion as you rise and fall hard in his lap, breathing sharply with each fall. There was no romance to it, no sweetness, it was pure, physical need that drove you both as the sexual gratification rose within you. Sliding up and down his entire length, you moved your hand down your breasts, letting your head roll back as you began to touch yourself, enhancing your own pleasure. The other hand gripped his shoulder as you began to tense. His hands pressed your hips down harder onto him as he began to roll up into you.

“Oh my God…. Spencer….” You whimpered between breaths. “Don’t stop….” Your fingers pressed harder as you pushed down onto him, feeling him deep within you as you came closer and closer to the edge. His grip on your hips tightened and his nails began to dig into your skin, driving you on even more, bouncing even harder on his lap.

Your body shuddered heavily as the explosion of ecstasy flooded through you in entire waves and you all but collapsed on him, weakened by the intensity. Tensing on him with the feeling as you panted, you gripped him harder within you and he started to whimper lightly till he too shuddered. He cried out your name, bursting with pleasure and gripping your hips so hard it almost hurt. Finally, both your bodies relaxed, partly from exhaustion and partly from the intensity, all of the rage and anger flowing away. Spencer looked at you with a weak smile, warming your heart and making you smile back.

“I feel like… we needed that….” He said between breaths and all you could manage was a nod in reply. “That was… wow…”

“Yeah…” You whispered, unable to speak at volume yet. Spencer exhaled deeply, trying to calm his body. “We should er…. maybe do that more often.”

“Mhmm…” Spencer agreed, looking into your eyes with a smile, causing you to smile giddily back.

“What?” you asked, trying not to giggle as you spoke.

“I don’t know, I just… I love you.” He said before kissing you softly.

“I love you too.” He replied, kissing him back. The moment seemed to last a lifetime but eventually the horrid truth crept back into your mind, so much for ending it once and for all. You sighed in defeat, ashamed of just how much you craved this misery and you pulled away. “What are we doing, Spencer? Have we just added another step to the circle we’re going in?” He sighed and looked away.

“I just don’t know, all I know is we can’t keep doing this. But what can we do?” You move across him, sliding to the spot beside him to rest against his shoulder as he put himself away. “I’m not ready to let go yet.”

“Me neither...” You said finally, resting your head against his chest and staring blankly as he placed his arm around you. “...me neither…”


End file.
